At the moment? He's actually enjoying Watson's companionship. [ Will leaned his head back against the wall. ] He is capable of genuinely liking someone, but also want to get in there and lay the threads in case he has to pull them later.
[ He considered pointing out that this was not unlike the way House liked to get under peoples' skin and push them to see what happened. It was that same curiosity, only House was academically curious, where as Hannibal was ruthlessly planning.
But given that House was already tender on the subject of Hannibal, Will kept that observation to himself. ]
Watson affords him a number of moves if he ends up in a situation where he requires them. Especially given his relationship to those two psychotic guard dogs.
Well... no one likes their puppet's strings breaking in the middle of an act, I guess. Things get messy. [And he probably should be able to understand that as easily as he does, but manipulation is something House doesn't as well. He'll admit he's not as good as Hannibal, but he's not too far behind him. He can draw that connection himself without Will's input, for better or worse.]
Are you planning to do anything, or let the chips fall where they will? Watson's a big boy and all that.
[ Picking up the crackers, Will grabbed his bag and tucked them away; stalling. Eventually he set the bag aside, glanced around to make sure he was aware of where everybody was either sleeping or otherwise occupied, then he drew up one knee and tipped himself towards House. Not invading personal space, just keeping the conversation private. ]
Watson wouldn't listen to me if I tried. That's how Hannibal works, he makes sure that those he keeps close, believe in him at least more so than they would believe in someone like me.
[ Add on the fact that Will had never made a particularly good impression on Watson, that was definitely a non-starter.
Besides. ]
House, I don't know if you will understand this, because I don't know if any sane person would want to understand this. [ Commentary on himself and his circumstances, rather than House's ability to grasp the impossible. ] Hannibal is as equally driven to destroy and consume me as he is to be in love with me, almost above anyone else ... even Miller. I am both a weakness and a threat to him, but I am almost the person who sees him and doesn't flinch away.
It's a precarious balancing act and it is a question of when, not if, the scales tip towards the murder option.
[ Saying it aloud, for the first time it made Will feel ... weak, in front of House, as if he'd failed, and a heavy wash of shame came with it. But he took a deep breath and kept driving to where he was going with all this. ]
If it was just he and I? I know I could take him down with me, I've done it once already. But now there is too great a risk of collateral damage, and I'm tired of the collateral damage.
[ He knew House would seethe at the idea of being protected, so Will went at that in a roundabout way. It was House he was protecting, but also Ecks, Ginger, Watson ... those who would be left behind with Hannibal if Will failed to take the older man with him. ]
So he and I are at a bit of an unspoken truce, compromise even. We've always been a zero sum game, and here is no different. If I were to go in and mess with his machinations, that would destroy the balance and then it would be open warfare between us.
That said, I've done what I could to try to get Sherlock to pay attention, but I don't know how much good it did.
[House closes his eyes and runs his fingers through his hair, rubbing at the back of his neck. There's a quiet sigh, but he doesn't sound particularly judgmental when he speaks.]
You know how to pick 'em, Graham Cracker. I'd say I'm surprised Holmes didn't pick up anything when he was traveling with Lecter, but I don't exactly chat with the guy on the regular. So maybe he did pick up something and he's keeping it close to the vest? [One can hope. House isn't going to count on it, though.] Even if he hasn't, we're getting down to the wire, and the wifey got offed not long ago and hasn't come back. He's gotta be keeping a close eye on his buddy boy.
[Like House would be on Wilson if Amber woke up and promptly died again.]
So, we stay out of it. Fine. Doubt Lecter's gonna need to pull the strings. As long as Beckett keeps his trap shut, we're good.
[ It was tempting to point out that Molly had been a good choice. But the truth was he had been the bad choice for her and he'd been selfish to let her make it. Will had never been cut out for a normal life, a normal family and he'd been fooling himself to think he could exist with one.
But he was simply grateful that the older man didn't appear disgusted with the weakness Will showed in this area. He believed that if House had been put off, he'd say so. ]
Hannibal is very good at hiding, especially when he can see a person's blind spot. Holmes has a huge one and I have no doubt Hannibal positioned himself right into it.
[ Reaching up, Will brushed his hand across his face, trying to chase off a headache. ]
I agree. We stay out of it, hope Beckett stays quiet. Though I expect he'd rather put me in his cross-hairs. I expect to have to sing for my supper, so to speak.
[There's more irritation in House's tone this time. He's not used to being beholden to people. In fact, House chooses brutal honesty most of the time to avoid this kind of situation. It's not a good place to be.]
He's staying quiet for now, and I haven't gotten any messages with the cryborg or Angelcakes yelling at me, so I assume he hasn't told them anything. Or at least not much. Not sure if he's plotting something, though.
[Ha ha ha... that might have played a minor role in his little breakdown earlier. If Beckett had been right... but he's not. House is fairly certain of that.]
And he needs to protect me from that. Pretty sure the guy thinks I'm some kinda fellow vamp or whatever. That or he's real sweet on me.
[ Given the tenor of their earlier conversation, Will studied House's profile for a moment as he turned the words over and over in his head. ]
For what it's worth. [ He began. ] Despite how deeply Hannibal is in my mind, I don't believe I ever lost my humanity. [ Which was probably the first positive thing Will has said about himself in all these situations. House could take that for what it was worth to him. ]
Another victim of Hannibal's, his psychiatrist actually a woman named Bedelia, was talking with me once and she brought up what it meant to come across an injured bird. How for her, now, she felt only the urge to crush it. I know in myself, that my instinct is still to help it.
[ He looked over towards the shadows pensively for a moment. ]
I don't know if we can say I survived Hannibal, with my humanity intact, because we both know I didn't survive in the end. But you will get out of this, House and you will survive and your humanity is not in question. It goes too deep in you and you have people to guide you.
[ He was thinking of Wilson, Ecks, Ginger, Quark. There were others, but Will could be something of a jealous brat as well.
His lips twitched, and tilted his head, giving his friend a tired but sassy look out of the corner of his eye. ]
[House thinks about the conversation he'd had with Hannibal before all this, asking him how to stop Will from trying to kill himself in the suit. He'd called Will Hannibal's shattered teacup and referred to himself as the broken bird. It's funny how metaphors come full circle.
It's easier to focus in on the last comment than any of the heavier ones. House sighs, mock-dramatic.]
At least now I know what it's like being a rock star. Groupies, man.
[ The comment caused Will to chuckle softly, and though he didn't actually sing he did speak poetry in something resembling time to the rhythm. ]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat'
[ He smirked then and leaned his head back against the wall. ]
Except you hate that kind of fawning attention. Not at first, I mean what person doesn't enjoying a good fawning, but eventually it gets intrusive, with no substance.
Thank you for telling me what I feel. Where would I be without you? [Dead. Most certainly dead.
House flicks at some of the crumbs from his peanut butter cracker.]
I'm going back to sleep, unless you have any other earth-shattering revelations to share. [God he hopes Will doesn't. He's tapping into the reserve of emotional energy for today, and he's going to want to have nothing to do with anyone tomorrow, probably, to recharge.]
I'm told I do a good Jiminy Cricket. [ There was no point raising to the sharp response. He'd courted it with being too invasive in one conversation.
Instead, he closed his eyes with his head tipped back. It was tempting to make some snarkish stereotypical psychoanalytical comment, but Will really didn't feel the need to get the last word in with House.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rubikscomplex) wrote2015-08-27 10:05 am
[action]
[ He considered pointing out that this was not unlike the way House liked to get under peoples' skin and push them to see what happened. It was that same curiosity, only House was academically curious, where as Hannibal was ruthlessly planning.
But given that House was already tender on the subject of Hannibal, Will kept that observation to himself. ]
Watson affords him a number of moves if he ends up in a situation where he requires them. Especially given his relationship to those two psychotic guard dogs.
[action]
Are you planning to do anything, or let the chips fall where they will? Watson's a big boy and all that.
[action] (cw: emotionally unhealthy dynamics, suicidal ideation.
Watson wouldn't listen to me if I tried. That's how Hannibal works, he makes sure that those he keeps close, believe in him at least more so than they would believe in someone like me.
[ Add on the fact that Will had never made a particularly good impression on Watson, that was definitely a non-starter.
Besides. ]
House, I don't know if you will understand this, because I don't know if any sane person would want to understand this. [ Commentary on himself and his circumstances, rather than House's ability to grasp the impossible. ] Hannibal is as equally driven to destroy and consume me as he is to be in love with me, almost above anyone else ... even Miller. I am both a weakness and a threat to him, but I am almost the person who sees him and doesn't flinch away.
It's a precarious balancing act and it is a question of when, not if, the scales tip towards the murder option.
[ Saying it aloud, for the first time it made Will feel ... weak, in front of House, as if he'd failed, and a heavy wash of shame came with it. But he took a deep breath and kept driving to where he was going with all this. ]
If it was just he and I? I know I could take him down with me, I've done it once already. But now there is too great a risk of collateral damage, and I'm tired of the collateral damage.
[ He knew House would seethe at the idea of being protected, so Will went at that in a roundabout way. It was House he was protecting, but also Ecks, Ginger, Watson ... those who would be left behind with Hannibal if Will failed to take the older man with him. ]
So he and I are at a bit of an unspoken truce, compromise even. We've always been a zero sum game, and here is no different. If I were to go in and mess with his machinations, that would destroy the balance and then it would be open warfare between us.
That said, I've done what I could to try to get Sherlock to pay attention, but I don't know how much good it did.
[action] (cw: emotionally unhealthy dynamics, suicidal ideation.
You know how to pick 'em, Graham Cracker. I'd say I'm surprised Holmes didn't pick up anything when he was traveling with Lecter, but I don't exactly chat with the guy on the regular. So maybe he did pick up something and he's keeping it close to the vest? [One can hope. House isn't going to count on it, though.] Even if he hasn't, we're getting down to the wire, and the wifey got offed not long ago and hasn't come back. He's gotta be keeping a close eye on his buddy boy.
[Like House would be on Wilson if Amber woke up and promptly died again.]
So, we stay out of it. Fine. Doubt Lecter's gonna need to pull the strings. As long as Beckett keeps his trap shut, we're good.
[action] (cw: emotionally unhealthy dynamics, suicidal ideation.
But he was simply grateful that the older man didn't appear disgusted with the weakness Will showed in this area. He believed that if House had been put off, he'd say so. ]
Hannibal is very good at hiding, especially when he can see a person's blind spot. Holmes has a huge one and I have no doubt Hannibal positioned himself right into it.
[ Reaching up, Will brushed his hand across his face, trying to chase off a headache. ]
I agree. We stay out of it, hope Beckett stays quiet. Though I expect he'd rather put me in his cross-hairs. I expect to have to sing for my supper, so to speak.
[action] (cw: emotionally unhealthy dynamics, suicidal ideation)
[There's more irritation in House's tone this time. He's not used to being beholden to people. In fact, House chooses brutal honesty most of the time to avoid this kind of situation. It's not a good place to be.]
He's staying quiet for now, and I haven't gotten any messages with the cryborg or Angelcakes yelling at me, so I assume he hasn't told them anything. Or at least not much. Not sure if he's plotting something, though.
[action] (cw: emotionally unhealthy dynamics, suicidal ideation)
[ He glanced over and couldn't help asking. ]
What was the subject of your riot act?
[action] (cw: emotionally unhealthy dynamics, suicidal ideation)
[Ha ha ha... that might have played a minor role in his little breakdown earlier. If Beckett had been right... but he's not. House is fairly certain of that.]
And he needs to protect me from that. Pretty sure the guy thinks I'm some kinda fellow vamp or whatever. That or he's real sweet on me.
[action] (cw: emotionally unhealthy dynamics, suicidal)
For what it's worth. [ He began. ] Despite how deeply Hannibal is in my mind, I don't believe I ever lost my humanity. [ Which was probably the first positive thing Will has said about himself in all these situations. House could take that for what it was worth to him. ]
Another victim of Hannibal's, his psychiatrist actually a woman named Bedelia, was talking with me once and she brought up what it meant to come across an injured bird. How for her, now, she felt only the urge to crush it. I know in myself, that my instinct is still to help it.
[ He looked over towards the shadows pensively for a moment. ]
I don't know if we can say I survived Hannibal, with my humanity intact, because we both know I didn't survive in the end. But you will get out of this, House and you will survive and your humanity is not in question. It goes too deep in you and you have people to guide you.
[ He was thinking of Wilson, Ecks, Ginger, Quark. There were others, but Will could be something of a jealous brat as well.
His lips twitched, and tilted his head, giving his friend a tired but sassy look out of the corner of his eye. ]
But I definitely believe he's sweet on you.
[action] (cw: emotionally unhealthy dynamics, suicidal)
It's easier to focus in on the last comment than any of the heavier ones. House sighs, mock-dramatic.]
At least now I know what it's like being a rock star. Groupies, man.
[action]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat'
[ He smirked then and leaned his head back against the wall. ]
Except you hate that kind of fawning attention. Not at first, I mean what person doesn't enjoying a good fawning, but eventually it gets intrusive, with no substance.
[action]
House flicks at some of the crumbs from his peanut butter cracker.]
I'm going back to sleep, unless you have any other earth-shattering revelations to share. [God he hopes Will doesn't. He's tapping into the reserve of emotional energy for today, and he's going to want to have nothing to do with anyone tomorrow, probably, to recharge.]
[action]
Instead, he closed his eyes with his head tipped back. It was tempting to make some snarkish stereotypical psychoanalytical comment, but Will really didn't feel the need to get the last word in with House.
He'd overstepped. He'd accept his punishment. ]