I appreciate your acknowledgement of my charms. But I can't claim the latter. I can't turn off the lens, anymore than you can. I've just made a conscious effort not to burden you with the results.
I didn't make sausage from lungs. Hannibal did, and he fed it to me unawares. I remember remarking how good it tasted. Later on, when I realized what had happened, I drank a bottle of ipecac and spent the night throwing up.
It was much too late, months after the fact and I can't even claim I felt better afterwards. Just lay on the bathroom floor, with Winston licking the tears off my face.
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
It was one of his favorite games, feeding human flesh to guests. He was renowned in the top social circles of Baltimore and the DC area for his dinner parties. People clamoured for him to throw these parties and scoring an invitation was considered a social coup.
No one realized that every dish served, was human.
Alana, Jack ... he even fed Abel Gideon to himself. About the only way to truly avoid the risk was be vegetarian.
And with that you risked being 'rude'.
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
he kind of sucks as a bf just fyi i suck as a bf but i could at least apologize for some of the crap i put my ex through but maybe he's great in bed and you've got that whole "at least someone can understand me" thing going on with him, i guess you do you
[House has made his own terrible relationship choices, so it's not like he can judge. Mostly he is the terrible relationship choice for other people. So.]
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
I'm mentally unstable, not much of a support system for a partner, forget going to parties or social events. I've spent so much time in the minds of the monsters that I have a dark and cynical view of humanity. That minor "righteous violence" kink I appear to have developed. I'm manipulative. I tend to bring my work home with me, which in this case means serial killers follow me like lost puppies and try to kill anyone I'm intimate with.
Anyone who got into a relationship with me would probably find me needy in my brokenness, and not worth the effort as taking down the monsters would always come first.
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
which of us is dealing with the honesty/sincerity death price again? but i mean at least you're not usually a cannibal the murder thing is kinda freaky but since you didn't kill me along with beckett i figure i'm probably good
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
Eh, I figure that given the circumstances, this is going to be one of those conversations we never speak of again, so might as well say what I may never have another opportunity to say.
You're correct, I have no genuine leanings in that direction. That is a design concept that is unique to Hannibal on a number of levels, founded in the loss of his beloved sister. I like making the monsters pay for the tresspasses they perpetrate upon the innocent.
You knew what you were doing in that situation. You understood what had just happened, and you have the capacity to recognize what can happen when my mind is fractured. Beckett wouldn't back off, he made himself into a threat and I don't react well to being threatened.
I wouldn't kill you, House. I love you. I've done my utmost since we first met to protect you, initially (and always) because I believe in the value you provide to our changes of getting out of here. Then later ... because I didn't want you to have to suffer the trauma of death, and the current unpleasantness.
[Oh. Well, crap. There's a rush of warm emotion that he can't tamp down on, one that has actual tears brimming in his eyes. People don't really say that, or if they do, they don't mean it. They're Cameron, who's in love with the idea of him. They're overly grateful patients. Wilson doesn't say it. Not out loud.]
i love you, too
[Urgh.
He's not sure if that was a slip-up by Will, or intentional, but that's... out in the world now. Not that House hadn't heavily implied it while he was ranting at Wilson about Will and the other man being the reason he wants to stay alive. But still. This is embarrassing.]
you're a weirdo and srsly screwed up but you're fun and interesting and funny
and holy crap and i need to stop typing now i'm actually crying and i'm probably gonna bitch at you when i'm back to normal, asshole
[ There is part of Will that wants to get up, go in the other room and sit down beside House. Not for any nefarious purposes, but to simple be there, the way the other man has been there for him in the past.
But he's unable to read what the reaction would be to such an offer, and he's unable to shake the feeling that he'd be taking advantage of something were he to go in there. So he sits quietly for a few minutes, wrangling his own emotions.
The brief glimpse he'd had into what it could be like to be with someone who understood him, and accepted him without conditions. Someone who knew what it meant to be broken, broken beyond any normal means of repair. Someone who understood the raw vulnerability that came with letting people in past the protective guards.
Someone who loved the puzzles in the world, the light and the dark and could see beauty in the unknown, rather than fear.
But beyond that brief glimpse, Will understood that House deserved better. He deserved Wilson, a good man with genuine kindness and skin as thick as leather with understanding for House. He needed his team, the sounding boards that helped propel all of them to the medical miracles only they could provide. House needed his hospital, and his patients and people with life in them.
So he continued to sit in his spot, waiting out the urge to move, until he had it under control and could type again. ]
Oh I fully anticipate a thorough rant, when you're back to normal. Complete with insistence that you were compelled to say things and that none of it truly counts and I'm a manipulative jerk.
There will probably be a deliberate action taken, under the guise of practicality, to push me away. A few sharp swipes of your claws to ensure I'm busy licking my wounds, giving you time to rebuild your forts and maintain safe distances.
It won't change what's been said here, or the emotions behind it, but it will protect you.
my dad's a living lie detector and he doesn't let you get away with anything even with lying to yourself suckass quality in a dad but i guess it rubbed off more than i wanted
Of course it did. It's the one thing that connected you two that wasn't rooted in his self-esteem issues.
It's not easy to live with self-awareness, but at the same time it affords a certain freedom. For instance, I know I'm a mentally unstable mess, so when people stare at me and whisper being their hands it doesn't bother me. They can't be saying anything that I haven't already recognized and come to terms with.
Makes it easier to set aside the interpersonal complications of social politeness and maintain focus on the important objectives in life.
For you, medicine. For me, monster hunting.
Edited (have to remember Will doesn't really curse) 2018-08-16 20:49 (UTC)
[ Neutral ground was probably the safer place to be. ]
That was my plan. Though I don't expect much at this point. It feels like we're in a holding pattern for the right puzzle to be unlocked in the bunker.
yeah a lot of the experiments i've run have been like that but i mean you get the joker and his cadre finding that one room under a coffin after all piling in we didn't find hsioake pass until a little kid decided to dig through a giant snowbank who the hell knows what's gonna work around here? there're plenty of horror/puzzle game tropes in play but not always
Logically speaking, I understand and agree with what you're saying. But I can't even figure out what it is Winston wants.
[ As he starts to type more, Will stops. Recognizing that he's sunk back into the mindframe he'd inhabited when he finally gave up on trying to 'save himself' he could see the self-pity in his words. Erasing them quickly, he scooted down the wall a bit, as if to place more distance between himself and House. ]
I suspect you've got another location in mind? The server room and where else?
[It's probably a good thing for Will that he doesn't add the first part of the message. House isn't in the mindset to be filtering things.]
apartment where winter died i wanna try the ocean eye and galaxy key apps see if it pulls any kinda response also thinking i'll try singing lavender's blue again these places've been feeling empty wondering if it's just the regular data ghost collective or if the cult went vamoose, too
we can probably split up when we get near the entrance to hsioake pass two to the server room two to winter's place it'll be maybe four or five days for each of those depending on weather you want ecks or wilson? 'cause i think we both know this is where i strategically push you away and work on rebuilding the walls
Will shoves his personal thoughts on it to the back of his mind. There is only one answer here. ]
We both know there is no way in hell Wilson is going to let himself be separated from you.
[ If there had even been the option, Will would have the same opinion as Wilson. But it doesn't work that way. It never has, and there is no point in arguing against the eventuality. ]
I'll head towards the server. If Ecks wishes to come along, she's welcome.
[ They both knew that Ecks followed her own path much of the time, and it was as likely that she'd either split off on her own, insist on going with House and Wilson, or stay with Will. ]
you realize we're not actually attached at the hip, right? wilson's fine leaving me alone maybe he'll be a little more clingy for a while because of the whole death thing but he has people he probably wants to see that i'm not going near can you say maggie may?
we can cross that bridge when we actually get there with ecks
[ It took Will a couple read throughs to figure out what House was alluding too, but once he had it, he laughed softly. ]
You're jealous. You're jealous and it's adorable.
You don't have any reason to be jealous House. I was with Wilson after you died and until you revived. Maggie May, may as well have been a footnote in Wilson's thoughts.
Wilson is not going to be fine leaving you alone and if he tries to convince you otherwise, don't let him!
He was not fine when you were dead. He put up a good front, for everybody. But he was so far from fine without you that 'fine' might as well not existed in this universe.
Wilson isn't going to choose 'Maggie May' over you. He isn't going to choose anyone over you. So stop moping like a school boy with a crush. Make the most of the time you have here.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rubikscomplex) wrote2015-08-27 10:05 am
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
But I can't claim the latter.
I can't turn off the lens, anymore than you can.
I've just made a conscious effort not to burden you with the results.
I didn't make sausage from lungs.
Hannibal did, and he fed it to me unawares.
I remember remarking how good it tasted. Later on, when I realized what had happened, I drank a bottle of ipecac and spent the night throwing up.
It was much too late, months after the fact and I can't even claim I felt better afterwards.
Just lay on the bathroom floor, with Winston licking the tears off my face.
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
and again
the keeping the trap shut thing
that sucks, though, dude
did he ever actually apologize?
i mean
it's one thing to force you to be a cannibal
it's another to trick you into it
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
What do you think?
[ Spoiler. The answer is no. ]
It was one of his favorite games, feeding human flesh to guests.
He was renowned in the top social circles of Baltimore and the DC area for his dinner parties.
People clamoured for him to throw these parties and scoring an invitation was considered a social coup.
No one realized that every dish served, was human.
Alana, Jack ... he even fed Abel Gideon to himself. About the only way to truly avoid the risk was be vegetarian.
And with that you risked being 'rude'.
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
just fyi
i suck as a bf
but i could at least apologize for some of the crap i put my ex through
but maybe he's great in bed
and you've got that whole
"at least someone can understand me"
thing going on with him, i guess
you do you
[House has made his own terrible relationship choices, so it's not like he can judge. Mostly he is the terrible relationship choice for other people. So.]
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
I'm mentally unstable, not much of a support system for a partner, forget going to parties or social events.
I've spent so much time in the minds of the monsters that I have a dark and cynical view of humanity.
That minor "righteous violence" kink I appear to have developed.
I'm manipulative.
I tend to bring my work home with me, which in this case means serial killers follow me like lost puppies and try to kill anyone I'm intimate with.
Anyone who got into a relationship with me would probably find me needy in my brokenness, and not worth the effort as taking down the monsters would always come first.
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
but i mean
at least you're not usually a cannibal
the murder thing is kinda freaky
but since you didn't kill me along with beckett
i figure i'm probably good
cw: serial killers / cannibalism / mental non-con of a sorts
You're correct, I have no genuine leanings in that direction. That is a design concept that is unique to Hannibal on a number of levels, founded in the loss of his beloved sister.
I like making the monsters pay for the tresspasses they perpetrate upon the innocent.
You knew what you were doing in that situation.
You understood what had just happened, and you have the capacity to recognize what can happen when my mind is fractured.
Beckett wouldn't back off, he made himself into a threat and I don't react well to being threatened.
I wouldn't kill you, House. I love you. I've done my utmost since we first met to protect you, initially (and always) because I believe in the value you provide to our changes of getting out of here. Then later ... because I didn't want you to have to suffer the trauma of death, and the current unpleasantness.
no subject
i love you, too
[Urgh.
He's not sure if that was a slip-up by Will, or intentional, but that's... out in the world now. Not that House hadn't heavily implied it while he was ranting at Wilson about Will and the other man being the reason he wants to stay alive. But still. This is embarrassing.]
you're a weirdo
and srsly screwed up
but you're fun
and interesting
and funny
and holy crap and i need to stop typing now
i'm actually crying
and i'm probably gonna bitch at you when i'm back to normal, asshole
no subject
But he's unable to read what the reaction would be to such an offer, and he's unable to shake the feeling that he'd be taking advantage of something were he to go in there. So he sits quietly for a few minutes, wrangling his own emotions.
The brief glimpse he'd had into what it could be like to be with someone who understood him, and accepted him without conditions. Someone who knew what it meant to be broken, broken beyond any normal means of repair. Someone who understood the raw vulnerability that came with letting people in past the protective guards.
Someone who loved the puzzles in the world, the light and the dark and could see beauty in the unknown, rather than fear.
But beyond that brief glimpse, Will understood that House deserved better. He deserved Wilson, a good man with genuine kindness and skin as thick as leather with understanding for House. He needed his team, the sounding boards that helped propel all of them to the medical miracles only they could provide. House needed his hospital, and his patients and people with life in them.
So he continued to sit in his spot, waiting out the urge to move, until he had it under control and could type again. ]
Oh I fully anticipate a thorough rant, when you're back to normal. Complete with insistence that you were compelled to say things and that none of it truly counts and I'm a manipulative jerk.
There will probably be a deliberate action taken, under the guise of practicality, to push me away. A few sharp swipes of your claws to ensure I'm busy licking my wounds, giving you time to rebuild your forts and maintain safe distances.
It won't change what's been said here, or the emotions behind it, but it will protect you.
no subject
i think this is why i avoid shrinks
that's really cool
and pretty accurate
but i'd really like to think i'm harder to read than that
no subject
That's why I make a concentrated effort not to share the psychoanalysis with you.
Figure it helps maintain the forts.
no subject
i can live with that
no subject
You're one of the most self-aware individuals I've ever met.
no subject
and he doesn't let you get away with anything
even with lying to yourself
suckass quality in a dad
but i guess it rubbed off more than i wanted
no subject
It's the one thing that connected you two that wasn't rooted in his self-esteem issues.
It's not easy to live with self-awareness, but at the same time it affords a certain freedom.
For instance, I know I'm a mentally unstable mess, so when people stare at me and whisper being their hands it doesn't bother me.
They can't be saying anything that I haven't already recognized and come to terms with.
Makes it easier to set aside the interpersonal complications of social politeness and maintain focus on the important objectives in life.
For you, medicine.
For me, monster hunting.
no subject
we're freaks
that's fine
and both of those "important objectives" come back to puzzles
so, what's the next one here?
[He's going to try to find a neutral ground again.]
we're heading up to check that server room still, right?
no subject
That was my plan. Though I don't expect much at this point.
It feels like we're in a holding pattern for the right puzzle to be unlocked in the bunker.
no subject
a lot of the experiments i've run have been like that
but i mean
you get the joker and his cadre finding that one room under a coffin
after all piling in
we didn't find hsioake pass
until a little kid decided to dig through a giant snowbank
who the hell knows what's gonna work around here?
there're plenty of horror/puzzle game tropes in play
but not always
cw: suicidal ideation
But I can't even figure out what it is Winston wants.
[ As he starts to type more, Will stops. Recognizing that he's sunk back into the mindframe he'd inhabited when he finally gave up on trying to 'save himself' he could see the self-pity in his words. Erasing them quickly, he scooted down the wall a bit, as if to place more distance between himself and House. ]
I suspect you've got another location in mind? The server room and where else?
no subject
apartment where winter died
i wanna try the ocean eye and galaxy key apps
see if it pulls any kinda response
also thinking i'll try singing lavender's blue again
these places've been feeling empty
wondering if it's just the regular data ghost collective
or if the cult went vamoose, too
no subject
no subject
two to the server room
two to winter's place
it'll be maybe four or five days for each of those
depending on weather
you want ecks or wilson?
'cause i think we both know this is where i strategically push you away
and work on rebuilding the walls
no subject
Will shoves his personal thoughts on it to the back of his mind. There is only one answer here. ]
We both know there is no way in hell Wilson is going to let himself be separated from you.
[ If there had even been the option, Will would have the same opinion as Wilson. But it doesn't work that way. It never has, and there is no point in arguing against the eventuality. ]
I'll head towards the server. If Ecks wishes to come along, she's welcome.
[ They both knew that Ecks followed her own path much of the time, and it was as likely that she'd either split off on her own, insist on going with House and Wilson, or stay with Will. ]
no subject
wilson's fine leaving me alone
maybe he'll be a little more clingy for a while
because of the whole death thing
but he has people he probably wants to see
that i'm not going near
can you say maggie may?
we can cross that bridge when we actually get there with ecks
no subject
You're jealous.
You're jealous and it's adorable.
You don't have any reason to be jealous House.
I was with Wilson after you died and until you revived.
Maggie May, may as well have been a footnote in Wilson's thoughts.
Wilson is not going to be fine leaving you alone and if he tries
to convince you otherwise, don't let him!
He was not fine when you were dead.
He put up a good front, for everybody.
But he was so far from fine without you that 'fine' might as well not existed in this universe.
Wilson isn't going to choose 'Maggie May' over you.
He isn't going to choose anyone over you.
So stop moping like a school boy with a crush.
Make the most of the time you have here.
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